I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Even my vagina gasped.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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