I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
