oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
