my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
