I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
