I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
