On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
