there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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