I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
