I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
