I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Randomize
