Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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