i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why do cheetos always look like penises
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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