yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
