Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
