I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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