Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
