It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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