Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
