OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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