You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
