Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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