dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
