bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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