I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
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