Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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