somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
