I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
