Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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