we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
