ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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