i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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