I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
