TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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