I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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