What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
