All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
