I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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