Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
