Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
