There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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