dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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