my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
