drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
