Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
