I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
