wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
