Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
