I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
