paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
