I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize