I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
