I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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