erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
