You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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