The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The struggles of a small town man whore
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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