I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
