wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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