4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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