i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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