You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
