Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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