it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
