what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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