DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
