I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
